Dah Seminggu...

Kita pause kejap cerita Umi dan Khayra di hospital. Tak dan nak menaip :o)

Dah seminggu dah... rasa macam baru lagi perut Umi kena belah. Dalam seminggu ni, Khayra byk mengubah cara hidup Umi dan Abah. Umi sangat-sangat tenang bila berdepan dengan Khayra, ketenangan Khayra really affect Umi in so many ways.

Abah dah bayar nazar dia siang tadi. Abah nazar kalau Khayra sihat cepat dan keluar dari NICU, dia akan cukur kepala dia. hehe Abah dah botak. Bila Abah balik dari barber petang tadi, dua-dua anak dia yang baru bangun tido terkebil-kebil pandang Abah, 'Betulke Abah aku nih?' agaknya dalam hati diorang. Jazzy yang mamai pun terkebil-kebil, Khayra yang bangun nak menyusu, yang kenal sangat suara Abahnya pun berkerut-kerut hehe.

Abah dan kepala licinnya :op~

We haf bidans coming to our house, dah dua kali, kelebihan bersalin di hospital kerajaan. diorang datang check BP, rahim dan luka Umi and Khayra's well-being. Khayra still has a bit of jaundis, so dah dua kali kami kena bawak Khayra pegi check darah. Ya Allah size Khayra dah la kecik, kena cucuk cucuk sana sini... meruntun hati Umi. Airmata Umi sangat murah bila berdepan dengan kes anak-anak. Vein Khayra sangat kecik, plus Khayra dah terlampau byk kena cucuk, nurse tu pun dah berkerut-kerut muka nak amik darah Khayra. Jaundis level dia tak sampai tahap bahaya, tapi still tinggi. Monday kena pegi lagi... isk... menangis lagilah Umi! Abah dah tegur Umi asik menangis ajer malu kat orang, tapi...

Tapi situation Khayra sikit sebanyak datang dari Umi. Umi punya BP yang tinggi, tu sebab Umi kena keluarkan Khayra awal. Sebab Umi Khayra jaundis, saiz kecik n low sugar level. Jadi rasa bersalah Umi takleh nak ilang, however Umi try to be rational. Umi dah cuba redha, I told myself ni takdir dan dugaan Allah pada Umi dan Abah tapi...

Banyaknya tapi... perasaan Umi selalu meruntun sekarang ni. Mana lagi Jazzy yang demand attention also, she obviously feels threatened. She loves her sister, we can see, but she has tantrums dat could make us go berserk with her. Lepas tu masalah hormon tak stabil Umi still there, Umi masih rasa tak sedap ati selalu. Entahlah...

Tapi Khayra Qaszryna... bila Khayra is solemnly in my embrace i feel so serene. Khayra banyak bezanya dari si Kakak. Khayra jarang menangis, selalu senyum senyum. There's sumthing in her eyes, dat i can't explain, whenever i look into it, i feel so peaceful inside. I guess lain baby lain rezeki yang di bawa pada parentsnya...

Dah seminggu... and now dah masuk tahun baru. Ahlan Muharram. I hope for the best in this new year. to u guys too.

Precious Baby -:Part Three:-

It was the longest night i had in years. After returning from Operation Theater to the labour room, nurses put 3 blankets on me and around my head cus of the severe shivering. Blood loss and cold air, made the shiver worst. I heard Dr. Fawas announced my blood loss was 200, i'm not sure if dat's good, bad or normal.

A few moments after returning to the labour room, the new Abah of TWO came in and kissed me on my forehead... It was a bliss bliss moment. I'm sure lying down like dat, with all those 'sembapness' and painful look i didn't look to pretty to be kissed but he did. He told me Khayra's doing very fine, dah iqamat and kenal nama dia. He called her name and she responded to his voice; maybe cus she's been called Khayra eversince she's in the womb. He also told me he wants to go home soon, to give Khayra's placenta to my dad to be 'kebumi' and to prepare the house for Khayra's arrival. I told him go... go get some sleep cus we don't know what's in for us in the next few days. It's like... i already felt 'tak sedap hati' especially when nurse announced Khayra's weight was only 2.1 kg.

As i said earlier... it was a long long night. I was shivering bad and fell asleep for a couple of hours before waking up feeling the operation wound's pain coming in and very very thirsty. 6 hours before and after surgery is to haf NO FOOD or DRINKS. one of suckiest part of a surgery and i knew it too well. It's like a feeling of deja vu, Jazz's labour and my previous appendix removal, both felt the same way. THIRSTY & PAINFUL! i kept on asking the nurses who came in and out to check my readings "Nurse dah pukul berapa? Dah boleh minum?" and I'll receive the same answer "Belum Puan, rehatlah, pagi esok baru boleh minum" or "Puan dari tadi tak tido ke?" if the nurses tried to avoid my 'drinking' questions. Kesian nurse nurse tu, dapat patient tak paham bahasa hehe.

I could only drink at 8 am the next morning, itupun dapat air suam sahaja, no food yet. tepat pkl 8 nurse dah datang bagi air, paham agaknya aku dah haus macam nak mati. Abah came in around 12 am, lambat sikit katanya sebab mengemas dan mencuci cot anak. As if all had been planned, once abah arrived he's been called upstairs by a nurse. "Encik, diorang panggil naik atas, anak kena admit NICU [Neonatal Intensive Care Unit]". AGAIN my jantung felt like nak gugur, "Why?!" i almost screamed. "Kami tak sure Puan, orang atas yang panggil". Azam looked at me and told me to rest and not to worry. How could i NOT be?? i tried to take my mind off it by sending SMSes to mum, Achik, Mummy Melaka n Yana. Take my mind off it??!! all the SMSes was ABOUT it. I can't rest. My BP went up n down. Nurses looked at me in worried look. Doctors came in and out. A few moments after going upstairs i received and SMS from Azam "Khayra kena admit NICU sebab saiz dia kecik sangat and pink sugar level dia rendah so Doktor Pakar nak observe". I was already in tears.

Azam missed his Friday prayers arranging Khayra's transfer to NICU. He returned to me around noon and told me the details. Khayra's not in an incubator, but on drips. *sigh* both mother and daughter going through the same thing. we're both on drips. but I am 27 years old, Khayra's barely a few hours old, i couldn't bare thinking of the uncomfortness she's going through. I asked d doctor when am I going back to the ward, doctor said at least one more night of careful observation here, dat is, if my BP go stable, i urinate a lot and I can get up by myself so they can take off the catheter [urine pipe] so i can walk to the bathroom by myself. Another deja vu. I remembered i was a bit 'manja' during Jazz's surgery and had only got outta bed after two days. but now, i set my heart to get up as soon as i can, so i can go to see Khayra. she is all i can think off at that moment. if last nite was the longest nite, that day was the longest day... the day of my new daughter's birthday, Friday January 12th, 2007.

I could receive no visitor since I'm in the labour room for intensive observation. I only had my patient Azam with me. It surprises me how calmly he's taking this situation. I could see that he is tired, he prolly gets as little sleep as i did too. I thank God, although it wasn't an easy moment for both of us, but we're very patient going through it. Maybe my faith to Him paid off. I prayed to Him every second i could dat i recover well so i can tkae care of Khayra, get her to a normal state as soon as possible. Owh how i long to hug her! I haven't seen her since last time in OT.

That nite was another long night but i had a determination to get well tomorrow and get out of bed. I tried very hard to sleep. 13 January 2007, 5 am in the morning, a very kind nurse [i could never forget her] Nurse Suria Eliaty came into my room and gave me some words of motivations. She said it's her duty to change my hospital gown and clean my bed, but it is good if i can get down on my feet, try to at least sit down on a chair, so doctors will decide that I am well enuff to be transfered back to the ward. I said yes, i very much wanna do just dat. I asked her to help me, and i apologize beforehand cus it's gonna be very very slow. She raised my upper bed, lowered the height, and I tried very very hard to ignore my wound's pain as I step down on the floor. She was smiling, she said she never see anyone so determine to get up. I told her i wanna see my baby in the NICU, she said no wonder and encouraged me dat i can do it, and i DID! i didn't just sat on a chair, i even went to the toilet! She was so happy for me, I was moved by her patience and kind-heartedness. I sat on the chair while she changed my bedsheet with a fresh one, she helped me wear my maternity pad and hospital gown, she tied my hair up high, as if she opened a salon in that labour room. another nurse came in with a gasp, and she boasted to her "Tengok patient aku dah bangun, dah pegi bilik air" and dat nurse was smiling too. I felt proud!! So now i am NOT AFRAID of another C-section after this. i know i can recover well!

It's true, u need to move to recover from operation wound. U can't just lie there like a dead meat. After the success i went back to bed and who knows, it was the best sleep i had in days! Lega sangat-sangat. kaki dah tak cramp, i could feel blood moving in my veins again. And alhamdulillah, doctors agreed i could go back to the ward BEFORE lunch and could request a wheel chair to visit Khayra in NICU. with dat news, i SMSed Azam to come ASAP, as i can't wait to see Khayra!

to be continued...

P/S: I hope pembaca setia blog ni tak bosan baca cerita-cerita ini, cus i wanna keep record of every single thing dat happened to us in those testing moments!

Khayra Qaszryna -:Part Two:-

As they arrange my case to transfer to the labour room, i tried to keep calm. i told myself everything will be alright and felt so relieved i get to recite Surah Maryam and Surah At-Taubah earlier while resting in the afternoon. I told Azam to meet me in the labour room, he sound a bit panicked when he heard the 'labour room' word. Both of us least expected labour will start today.

About 6.20 pm i was already wired with drip-lines, blood pressure auto-meter, pulse-meter, pendek kata segala-gala wayar. So uncomfortable but... for baby, anything will do. My blood pressure was measured every 15 mins. It didn't go down to a safe level. I continue feeling nauseated and dizzy. Then, around 7.00 pm I felt my heartburn is beginning to reach my throat. i told the nurses immediately and again red alert, doctors rushed in, looking worried. "Puan, if this is the case i think it is not good to prolong pregnancy" she said. I knew that was coming, then i asked "So, kena induce ke doctor?" she gave me 'the look' and said "Your condition is getting worst, i dun think we can wait that long, the best is to do C-Section" and there it goes, my blood pressure went ALL THE WAY UP. Another Cesarean?!! that means...

That means i'll only haf 3 children, max 4.

I tried to hold back my tears. I think both doctors saw my waryness and one of em asked me "Anak pertama Ceasar juga ke Puan?" I could only nod. She continued "Puan, BP Puan tinggi sangat, kita takut kalau tunggu lagi, Puan bleh kena seizure (sawan), atau pening yang teruk atau macam-macam lagi risiko. Bila keadaan dah macam tu, bukan Puan saja yang bahaya, anak pun ikut bahaya sekali" I nodded again, unable to utter a word. Azam still hasn't reach the labour room he went to Surau first, I long to talk to him about this decision. It's like... no other option. Honestly, I did feel guilt, will Azam blame me for falling into this predicament? Oh forget Azam, I am blaming myself already!! "Doctor, what causes this? Why is my BP high?" that wasn't the 1st time i asked that question. i already knew the answer. the other doctor went explaining it's caused my genetics, not food, not environment and asked if my mom n dad has hypertension. I told em my grandpa had it. Azam came in moments later. doctors told him about the choice we don't have and he asked for a moment to talk to both our parents. Both parents called and everybody agreed, let's go n potong my belly.

I signed the papers. they left me n Azam alone while waiting for my turn to go into Operation Theater (OT). they had to wait 6 hours after my the last thing fed into my stomach at 5.30pm, a sandwich. It was cold, uncomfortable and uneasy wait. When it was only me n Azam there in the room, I asked him to hold my hand and cried. I asked him why has it to be this way, another Cesar and only 3 kids to bear. He frowned and told me not to think of such things, other people dun even haf kids and we're lucky to haf what we haf now. He told me i should be thankful to God that at least we're in good hands and the doctors and nurses are taking good care of us. I guess i was being irrational, and tried to calm myself down again. Azam sat there waiting as i began feeling weak, they already gave my a drip to lower my BP. the drip made me feel funny and my head stopped spinning but the pain is still there. I tried to sleep to gather my strength. Around 10pm Azam went waiting outside, i told him to get some rest, but i dun think he did.

I was awakened around 11.50 pm when nurses was buzzing around me preparing to push me into OT. they wold me i was already summoned, i asked em if they see Azam around they told me not to worry as they will alert him. 12.00 am we reached the OT, Dr. Fawas, my anaesthetician told me the procedures that i am very familiar with, underwent it with Jazz's labour. I had to signed another paper after he examined me for fever and flu. 12.15 am, into the labour room and operation started 5 mins later and my O&G doctor was Dr. Marsha.

Labour room was VERY VERY VERY cold. i was shaking quiet badly and they had to get a blower (to blow hot air) to keep my warm, but it didn't worked that well. i was shivering through the entire operation. I could feel my belly shaken and pushed, and around 12.30 am, i could hear the first voice of my Khayra Qaszryna which a few seconds later turned into a loud cry. I was like... Alhamdulillah... that's my Khayra. Owh she was crying well, i was very relieved to hear her cry. they straight away brought her to the cleaning room as Dr. Marsha took out the placenta and stitched me back up. Yeah I know, I'm telling this story as if I saw the whole procedure, no i didn't i could just feel it. But since this is not my 1st Cesar and i am very well self-educated in it, i knew exactly what was going on minute-by-minute. all the readings and video-viewing payed well.

Nurse who cleaned Khayra up came in minutes later, "Puan, tgk anak Puan" she showed my Khayra's gender. "Puan, anak 2.1 kg saja" I was... 2.1?? but... the last ultrasound estimated 2.6kg! Doctors and nurses saw my worried look "It's ok, we'll see to her, now you stay calm" Dr. Fawas said to me. I was pushed to post-OT room afterwards and pushed back to the labour room at 1.50 am.

to be continued...

My heart throbs... Khayra Qaszryna :o)) -:Part One:-

I prayed to God a lot, for the smoothness of my labour and safety and wellness of my baby. God answered my prayer. Alhamdulillah!!

Yes, as Hubby posted earlier, there were complications and me n baby were both under intensive care for a while, but... now things are going so smoothly, and I never felt this happy, having Khayra Qaszryna bt Azamzairi back home with me. We were released 15th January after my blood pressure gets a bit low and my albumin level in my urine gets a bit better and Khayra's jaundis subsided and her blood sugar level became stable. Khayra, tho she is small in size my is very well while me, I am stable enuff to stay at home and hafta go and check my blood pressure in case i do haf hypertension every other day in a nearby clinic.

As posted the day before, i had an appointment with Hospital Putrajaya after being referred by my usual MO on the 11th of January 2007. I went there, they ran the usual tests; blood pressure and urine test. My blood pressure was high 146/98 but my albumin in urine wasn't too bad but due to previous traces of albumin in my record, they decided that I should be admitted to the ward for careful observation, as they say i'm having symptoms of Pre-Eclampsia (PE) and might need to be induced if my blood pressure do not go down to a safe level. So i had to go straight into the ward, thank God i had mine and baby's bag all packed-up and ready so Azam just had to fetch and bring em to d hospital. It was afternoon when i reached Ward 2B Bed 26, they told me to rest before they ran another BP messuring, it went down a little. Azam came back to the ward with Jazz later around 5 pm, and i tried to rest. I was told to watch out for blurry visions, nausea, and severe headache. Around 6 pm, i began feeling nauseated and having my head spun like i'd jest been to a disco. I told Azam to tell the nurses, there and then a doctor rush in to check me up and test my BP again. Another urine test taken, my albumin level raised a bit and BP had gone up to 160/100.

It was like red alert, nurses and doctors suddenly became a bit busier then the calmness of the ward before (after delivery, i found the calmness BORING). Suddenly a bed (to push ppl to labour room) came into our room of four, my heartbeat raised. I was like, is it time? Is dat bed for me? All of sudden my thoughts drifted to my impatient-ness of my pregnancy lately. Has those been the signs? True enuff, the bed is for... ME. Azam who went home earlier to send Jazz back in case of anything, was alerted through my SMSes. I was pushed to labour room, without having the chance to meet Azam first. I was only 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant...

to be continued...

World, Please Welcome Our Newest Member "KHAYRA QASZRYNA"

She was born last nite on Friday (Penghulu Segala Hari) 12 January 2007 at 12.30 am, weighing only 2.1KG, Zaza had to underwent a Cesarean process to deliver the baby due to some complication as her blood pressure was high and it was contaminated with "albumin" (not sure how to spell it), so Dr advise we can no longer wait as other complicated and major issue might arise later.

Held a short discussion between myself and the Zaza at the labour room then we decide to proceed hoping for the best and alhamdulillah, all praise to the MIGHTY ALLAH for HIS blessing and listening to our prayer, the operation went smooth without any hiccups . Zaza is currently recuperating at Wad 2B Hospital Putrajaya and the baby is well (details nanti mak dia letak entry).

p/s: this entry is done by the Husband and PROUD father of KHAYRA QASZRYNA

Duhai Anakanda...

Ayuhai anakanda yang Umi kandungi
Sesungguhnya Umi dah tak larat menanti lagi
Setiap kali perut Umi menegangkan musclenya
Umi terasa macam anakanda nak kluar
Tapi tak kluar kluar jugakkkk

Ayuhai anakanda
Puaslah Umi bawak bawak berjalan ke Alamanda, mengemop umah...
Yang dapat sakit belakang
Anakanda tak turun turun juga
Seronok ya, duduk dalam perut Umi??

Anakanda,
Sesungguhnya Umi inginkan petanda
Bila agaknya anakanda nak kluar ni
Nanti Umi nak beli tiket konvo
Sekali tgk dapat pegi
Kasik can la Umi sarung jubah itam tu
Dulu kat UTM punya Umi tak dapat nak sarung...

Anakanda yang Umi kasihi
Umi tau anakanda seronok duduk dalam perut Umi
Sebab hari-hari dapat makan karipap frozen yang Umi kemaruk tu
Takpe Umi janji nanti anakanda keluar,
Umi rajin-rajin susukan anakanda
Sama jugak... dapat jugak anakanda rasa apa yang Umi makan

Anakanda,
Esok kita nak ke Hospital Putrajaya lagi
Apa kata anakanda amik kesempatan itu untuk menurunkan kepala anakanda ke pelvik umi?
Semua orang dah tak sabar tunggu anakanda
Bukan Umi sorang je... Nenek ari-ari dah telefon bertanya
Kekanda Jazzmeen pun dah perli-perli Umi
Betahnya 'Tengok baby Bawang Putih dah keluar, baby Umi tak kluar-kluar lagi' semalam
Abah pun asik asik bertanya-tanya, sampai call-call dari opis kalau Umi tak online
Aunty Achik pun dah ternanti-nanti
Aunty Yana pun dah tepuk-tepuk perut Umi
Aunty Mein takyah citerler apertah lagi...
Seronok agaknya anakanda ya... bila ramai yang menanti...

9 months :: I'm getting impatient!!

urrgghhh!! waiting is sickening!

So hard trying to get my mind off from the labour now. I've been trying to take my mind off it by playing games like Sudoku and SimCity, but whenever i lie down to rest, my mind can't be at ease!

what makes it worst is the anxiety and fears. Fear of birth pain, or complications. and of course, the government hospital. i hope everything will turn out fine, but i can't help feeling anxious. i pray to God everyday to keep me calm and and content and help me be patient.

*sigh* it's so harrdd...!!