Ummi Pays Her First Visit to see Khayra in NICU... and days after

continued from Precious Baby Part 3...

13 January 2007...
Doctors told me I'd be shifted back to ward 2B before lunch, but right after the rounds they did, a nurse came in smiling and asked "Puan dah boleh balik ward ya?" I smiled back and said yes. She immediately took off my catheter [ooh i hate dat part, d thingy stings!! even weeks after dat!] and another nurse pulled a wheel chair in. I was like, "Eh, dah boleh naik sekarang ke?" the nurses smile and told me the doctor already told em to prepare my shifting. After cleaning what needs to be cleaned, they helped me sit on the wheel chair. It was 8 am. They prepared the final documents, and I was ready to be transfered. one nurse was saying loudly, "Pn Iza kalau saya pergi butik bagi discount ya" I was like 'Mana plak diorang tau aku ada butik ni' then i remembered my Red Card [preggie moms must haf one] i'd written 'Pengurus Butik' as my job. hehe. i really don't know what my real job is [in Khayra's birth cert lagi plak, Suri Rumah huh bosan sungguh].

I was smiling all d way when they pushed me up. i think every nurses i met along d wat were thinking, 'dia ni tak sakit ke?'. Well of course i'm smiling, I'm gonna see my baby soon. I SMS Azam to come over ASAP [he must've been a bit annoyed with all those SMSes disturbing his sleep hehe].

When I reached the ward I was happy to see my familiar roommates' faces. Kak As and Kak Rose especially. it seemed Kak As has also delivered her 3rd baby the same day as I did but in the morning, Baby Nabil Ashrafi [whom later gave me a hard time to sleep, hehe] and Kak Rose who's been in the ward for 2 months and still waiting for her time to go under C-Section for Placenta Previa [really pity her, dah takdek life duduk spital]. The other bed, patients came n went, bersalin normal usually bleh balik d same day or early next morning, untung badan. I was greeted happily by Kak As n Kak Rose and we exchanged all our experiences and when they asked where's my baby i was almost into tears when i told em what happened to her. And almost that instant Azam came in, and asked if i'm ready to see Khayra. Forgetting my wound, I got up almost immediately, OUCH! and Azam went out to get a wheel chair.

He pushed my down to NICU [Neonatal Intensive Care Unit]. I was so nervous, in my mind i had various pictures of how my baby would lie down in there with drips on her... and how small she would look like... When we reach the NICU we hadta take off our shoes and wear provided slippers [i didn't hafto, i had only socks] and sanitize our hands with a special sanitizer, and wear plastic apron. There were so many babies, mostly very very very small in size, they were in incubators, ventilators but some are only in a normal bassinet but most of them had drips on. Some haf UV lights on top of em. The nurses here wears the same blue uniform as they wear in OT and Labour Room, the ones in wards wear the normal white ones. I watched one by one babies as Azam wheeled me to one corner of the huge room. And from far i could sense my baby is nearer to me. Motherly instinct, yes we do haf it, no one can deny dat. When we reached Khayra...

She's small... wrapped in a green blanket, sleeping calmly in a bassinet. I was afraid to touch her. My heart was throbbing fast, i want to smile but i also feel sad, seeing her like that. She's been birthed 2 days but had never felt a mother's hug. Azam called her name and she responded waggling her limbs. As if knowing what I was thinking, a nurse asked me if i want to breastfeed her. I said "Can I?" she said "Of course" and she put Khayra in my lap, for the first time, I was so happy and was already in tears. We went to the breastfeeding room and I get to breastfeed her for the 1st time! No, I can't describe the feeling, not in words. We took pictures of her as so many people are waiting to see how she looks like, her grannies, her aunties and uncles... but cameras are actually prohibited in NICU, we brought it anyway, hehe. We spent about half an hour there in NICU, as lunch time has already arrived, I hadta get back to the ward. I kissed Khayra goodbye and promised her I'd be back in the evening. The nurse put her back into her bassinet and i cried as Azam wheeled me out of NICU, unwanting to be parted from my Precious.

at 2.00 pm a nurse told me Khayra has been given her 1st BCG immunisation. Azam went back home to pick Jazz up who hasn't seen me for 2 days, and brought Mein n Ateem along. When they arrived we went back to NICU, with Mein, Jazz n Ateem waiting outside the room. Reaching Khayra, we were shocked to see her back on drip. I went out to check on Jazz, and Oh My God Jazz's lips was bleeding quite badly, Main told me she fell while running around the waiting room. I hurried Azam who were still inside to see about it Azam was a bit angry with Jazz and said he'll bring her to Emergency later. As Khayra's condition isn't dat good we went back in. The peaditrician was there, and explained to us that her blood sugar level has dropped again and they were not too happy with that. She's not responding to the treatment so they had to get her back on drip and she is to be fed Nil by Mouth [fast]. She was explaining and explaining but i couldn't concentrate. I just asked how long will Khayra be fasting, she said until her blood sugar stables. Then I asked what causes it, she told me it's because of my blood pressure, my own blood sugar level wasn't enuff so she was deprived of it during the pregnancy. Yeap, I was the cause. I was devastated... i can't breastfeed her again... until she's stable and I caused her to be in that condition. The peaditrician told me to pump my milk and keep it in storage so once she can be fed, they can give her the breastmilk. I only nodded. Azam was asking if its because i was stressed out since I was doing my final semester and stuffs to the doctor but she said no, usually this kinda thingy is genetic.

I wheeled myself to Khayra and stare at her weak body for a long long time. I didn't respond to Azam's callings, because i was in tears again. I know i had to be rational that all happenings are beyond my control and it's God's will, but still I can't help thinking dat I am still the cause. Azam said let's go cus we haf another kid to worry about, Jazz is bleeding badly outside. Azam brought me back to d ward while he brought Jazz to emergency. Since it was the 1st day of my release, i had many visitors that evening. Achik, Mama, Papa & Kak Een. Ala kira many la tu kan hehe. Glad to see them. So glad. I really appreciate their company, at least i could share my burden with em, especially with Achik.

Jazzy n Azam came back to d ward at 7 pm. OMG she had one stitch on the lips! *sigh* My BP raised that evening, thinking too much of my babies. Azam kept on telling me not to think about it too much, and my roommates told me to stay calm. High BP means no going back home yet! That night I get to see Khayra again before Azam went back home. Like every other time, I'd cry everytime I see her small body on drip. This time I touched her all i want, I kissed her hand, I sang her lullaby and told her to get well soon.

14 January 2007... As predicted I can't go back home yet. my BP didnt chart nicely and my urine still has traces of albumin. it maybe resulted from worrying bout Khayra n Jazzy and also Nabil's crying last nite hehe i really dun wanna blame the baby but i really didn't sleep at all last nite. i got outta bed before anyone else in d ward does, i cleaned myself up as early as 6.00 am, i asked the nurses for a new gown before they even get to distribute it to the patients and while waiting for the doctor i read yesterday's newspaper that Azam left for me. Doctor pulled of my wound's plaster that morning and i laid down while chatting with my roommates and waiting for Azam to come and push me to NICU again to see Khayra. As usual, shoes off, hand sanitized and apron on. Khayra's bassinet has been moved, but she's now under UV light as she has jaundice. and nurses told us she could already be breastfed but not directly as the milk has to be limited to 10 ml or else she'd be overfed, so i hurriedly SMSed mama to bring a breastpump dat afternoon. I got a bit happier! We went upstairs to wait for the breastpump and pumped her milk for her afternoon feeding.

Along, Kak Een, Kak Cia, Syahril & Majidah also all their kids came visiting later on. After their visit we went to send Khayra's milk down to NICU. yes, u can imagine how my days were in the hospital. I was supposed to rest, recover, and gain strenght but i didn't do all dat. I went up n down to n fro NICU and ward, i cried a lot, i ddin't sleep... but at least after Khayra got better i was a bit relieved. I get to breastfeed Khayra again that night, before Azam went home, cus doctor has already pulled off her drip. Alhamdulillah! lega sangat dapat peluk Khayra lagi. I took the chance to really hug and caress her. She looked so calm and content. They limited the breastfeeding time to 20 mins, so i made full use of the 20 mins. Khayra sipped her milk nicely and i get to burp her for d first time. When I went back to the ward, I had my first good night's sleep, that i didn't woke up when nurse cam in to take my BP!

15 January 2007...
I could feel that it's gonna be a beautiful day. I woke up at 5.30 am and cleaned myself up. brushed my teeth, wiped my body with wet cloth, changed my hospital gown and as usual seat on the chair reading newspaper while having my no-salt breakfast. My albumin reading that morning has cleared up. my BP is fine. and during the rounds, doctor said, "ok, release her" i dunno whether to feel happy... or sad, cus Khayra's status is still unknown. They told me if Khayra's not discharged, they could arrange for a bed for me to be with Khayra in NICU. owh... ok, i didn't know dat and I so want that! So when Azam came later on we went to NICU and checked with the nurse if there's an empty bed for me there, but they told us... Khayra might be able to be discharged today if her jaundice level gets below 250. We hadta wait for the result and i was praying dat she'd be alright.

1.00 pm - Azam was handling my discharge and payment when mama called and asked if i want her to come over and help me carry the bags as i hafta carry d baby. i was like, "eh baby? baby bleh kluar ke?" mama said Azam already SMSed her dat both of us are discharged. Owh u can't imagine how happy i was! after disconnecting the call, I hurriedly changed into my own outfit and laid down. When Azam came, "uih, mana tau bleh balik? tak sabar-sabar" i chuckled as i told him mama called me and told me. It wasn't long when both mama n papa arrived and we picked Khayra up in NICU. i dressed her in her new ovesized t-shirt and pants and held her tightly home....

17 days... Khayra's jaundice already passed the safe level... yeay!

Now we could hear she cries more, especially last 2 nites. While I am very drowsy because of flu medicine, Khayra stayed awake till it was almost two, since 11 am. punyala lama tu. So since i was very very drowsy, I surrendered at 12 am, let her tgk bola with her Abah, then at 1.30 am i took over bila Abahnya dah tak larat nak bukak mata. Dah nak dekat 2 am baru dia tido. Then bangun balik 3.45 am, feeding sambil mata dia pejam, 15 mins je, tataula dia kenyang ke tak sebenarnya, mengantukla tu sebelum tu dah lama sedar. Agaknya tak berapa kenyang kot, pukul 5 pagi bangun lagi menyusu. And also the next two hours, 7 am.

Itu cerita malam. Siang?

Siang semasa Umi ni segar bugar, Khayra tidoooooooo!!! especially lepas Umi mandikan, sedapnya dia tido amboi amboi. Yang Uminya plak amat menghairankan susah betul nak lelap mata siang sekarang nih. Eventho malam tak cukup tido. last last karang start Maghrib pening kepala. Ari ari macam ni. Rutin.

Tadi Khayra kena cucuk lagi... tapi alhamdulillah kali ni sekali cucuk dah keluar darah untuk dikumpul dalam tabung uji kecik tu. kali ni Umi serah kat Abah suruh pegang, Umi menyorok belakang dinding, kalo tak maunya rebas lagi airmata Umi tgk Khayra kena cucuk. Umi focus kat kakak yang melasak tak tentu hala. pening Umi dengan kakak ni, tatau nak jadik apa, makin hari makin lasak, macam boy dah.

After amik darah Umi ngan Khayra jumpa doctor. Umi jumpa sebab tangan Umi asik kebas, ingatkan masa pregnancy je, ni dah bersalin pun camtu jugak. Doctor bg calcium je. Khayra? Alhamdulillah... Khayra punya bilirubin level dah 135, dah selamat betul dah. Syukur. Doctor kata umur Khayra sebulan baru check lagi, oklah tu at least lambat lagi, tgn Khayra pun akan besar dan vein nya pun dah senang dicucuk.

Nak sangat resume cerita Khayra @ NICU, belum sempat sempat jugak. esok kot. tengoklah eh....

Being a woman ain't EASY!

took a quiz in iVillage.com and here's what it says...
-------------------------------------------------------------

It sounds like you have a case of the "baby blues." You're not alone: The postpartum period is a time of transition and the post-baby blues affect 70 to 85 percent of new moms. It usually begins within three days of giving birth and can last up to two weeks, going away on its own with rest and support. Postpartum depression, which affects around 10 percent of moms in the year after giving birth, is more intense and must be present for more than two weeks to distinguish it from the more general baby blues.

If you find you are having symptoms of postpartum depression, such as feelings of depression, sadness, exhaustion or helplessness that are affecting your day-to-day life and last for more than two weeks after you give birth, or if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, be sure to talk to your care provider right away so that you can get the treatment you need.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Well, i sure don't haf any thoughts of harming Khayra or Jazz or myself or even Azam but i do haf sumkinda nervousness from time to time. I hope this will be over soon.

Sorry i haven't got the time to finish my Hospital Experience write-ups, having two kids sure is making me a lot busier than before. I haf little time to rest, barely sleep at nite in fear i won't wake up to Khayra's feeding time, and during d day since Azam's already resumed working i hafta take care of Jazz n Khayra both, Syamin's around to help some of d time though. Also of course, i'm taking care of myself, the woman in confinement.

More of Khayra n Family

Dah Seminggu...

Kita pause kejap cerita Umi dan Khayra di hospital. Tak dan nak menaip :o)

Dah seminggu dah... rasa macam baru lagi perut Umi kena belah. Dalam seminggu ni, Khayra byk mengubah cara hidup Umi dan Abah. Umi sangat-sangat tenang bila berdepan dengan Khayra, ketenangan Khayra really affect Umi in so many ways.

Abah dah bayar nazar dia siang tadi. Abah nazar kalau Khayra sihat cepat dan keluar dari NICU, dia akan cukur kepala dia. hehe Abah dah botak. Bila Abah balik dari barber petang tadi, dua-dua anak dia yang baru bangun tido terkebil-kebil pandang Abah, 'Betulke Abah aku nih?' agaknya dalam hati diorang. Jazzy yang mamai pun terkebil-kebil, Khayra yang bangun nak menyusu, yang kenal sangat suara Abahnya pun berkerut-kerut hehe.

Abah dan kepala licinnya :op~

We haf bidans coming to our house, dah dua kali, kelebihan bersalin di hospital kerajaan. diorang datang check BP, rahim dan luka Umi and Khayra's well-being. Khayra still has a bit of jaundis, so dah dua kali kami kena bawak Khayra pegi check darah. Ya Allah size Khayra dah la kecik, kena cucuk cucuk sana sini... meruntun hati Umi. Airmata Umi sangat murah bila berdepan dengan kes anak-anak. Vein Khayra sangat kecik, plus Khayra dah terlampau byk kena cucuk, nurse tu pun dah berkerut-kerut muka nak amik darah Khayra. Jaundis level dia tak sampai tahap bahaya, tapi still tinggi. Monday kena pegi lagi... isk... menangis lagilah Umi! Abah dah tegur Umi asik menangis ajer malu kat orang, tapi...

Tapi situation Khayra sikit sebanyak datang dari Umi. Umi punya BP yang tinggi, tu sebab Umi kena keluarkan Khayra awal. Sebab Umi Khayra jaundis, saiz kecik n low sugar level. Jadi rasa bersalah Umi takleh nak ilang, however Umi try to be rational. Umi dah cuba redha, I told myself ni takdir dan dugaan Allah pada Umi dan Abah tapi...

Banyaknya tapi... perasaan Umi selalu meruntun sekarang ni. Mana lagi Jazzy yang demand attention also, she obviously feels threatened. She loves her sister, we can see, but she has tantrums dat could make us go berserk with her. Lepas tu masalah hormon tak stabil Umi still there, Umi masih rasa tak sedap ati selalu. Entahlah...

Tapi Khayra Qaszryna... bila Khayra is solemnly in my embrace i feel so serene. Khayra banyak bezanya dari si Kakak. Khayra jarang menangis, selalu senyum senyum. There's sumthing in her eyes, dat i can't explain, whenever i look into it, i feel so peaceful inside. I guess lain baby lain rezeki yang di bawa pada parentsnya...

Dah seminggu... and now dah masuk tahun baru. Ahlan Muharram. I hope for the best in this new year. to u guys too.

Precious Baby -:Part Three:-

It was the longest night i had in years. After returning from Operation Theater to the labour room, nurses put 3 blankets on me and around my head cus of the severe shivering. Blood loss and cold air, made the shiver worst. I heard Dr. Fawas announced my blood loss was 200, i'm not sure if dat's good, bad or normal.

A few moments after returning to the labour room, the new Abah of TWO came in and kissed me on my forehead... It was a bliss bliss moment. I'm sure lying down like dat, with all those 'sembapness' and painful look i didn't look to pretty to be kissed but he did. He told me Khayra's doing very fine, dah iqamat and kenal nama dia. He called her name and she responded to his voice; maybe cus she's been called Khayra eversince she's in the womb. He also told me he wants to go home soon, to give Khayra's placenta to my dad to be 'kebumi' and to prepare the house for Khayra's arrival. I told him go... go get some sleep cus we don't know what's in for us in the next few days. It's like... i already felt 'tak sedap hati' especially when nurse announced Khayra's weight was only 2.1 kg.

As i said earlier... it was a long long night. I was shivering bad and fell asleep for a couple of hours before waking up feeling the operation wound's pain coming in and very very thirsty. 6 hours before and after surgery is to haf NO FOOD or DRINKS. one of suckiest part of a surgery and i knew it too well. It's like a feeling of deja vu, Jazz's labour and my previous appendix removal, both felt the same way. THIRSTY & PAINFUL! i kept on asking the nurses who came in and out to check my readings "Nurse dah pukul berapa? Dah boleh minum?" and I'll receive the same answer "Belum Puan, rehatlah, pagi esok baru boleh minum" or "Puan dari tadi tak tido ke?" if the nurses tried to avoid my 'drinking' questions. Kesian nurse nurse tu, dapat patient tak paham bahasa hehe.

I could only drink at 8 am the next morning, itupun dapat air suam sahaja, no food yet. tepat pkl 8 nurse dah datang bagi air, paham agaknya aku dah haus macam nak mati. Abah came in around 12 am, lambat sikit katanya sebab mengemas dan mencuci cot anak. As if all had been planned, once abah arrived he's been called upstairs by a nurse. "Encik, diorang panggil naik atas, anak kena admit NICU [Neonatal Intensive Care Unit]". AGAIN my jantung felt like nak gugur, "Why?!" i almost screamed. "Kami tak sure Puan, orang atas yang panggil". Azam looked at me and told me to rest and not to worry. How could i NOT be?? i tried to take my mind off it by sending SMSes to mum, Achik, Mummy Melaka n Yana. Take my mind off it??!! all the SMSes was ABOUT it. I can't rest. My BP went up n down. Nurses looked at me in worried look. Doctors came in and out. A few moments after going upstairs i received and SMS from Azam "Khayra kena admit NICU sebab saiz dia kecik sangat and pink sugar level dia rendah so Doktor Pakar nak observe". I was already in tears.

Azam missed his Friday prayers arranging Khayra's transfer to NICU. He returned to me around noon and told me the details. Khayra's not in an incubator, but on drips. *sigh* both mother and daughter going through the same thing. we're both on drips. but I am 27 years old, Khayra's barely a few hours old, i couldn't bare thinking of the uncomfortness she's going through. I asked d doctor when am I going back to the ward, doctor said at least one more night of careful observation here, dat is, if my BP go stable, i urinate a lot and I can get up by myself so they can take off the catheter [urine pipe] so i can walk to the bathroom by myself. Another deja vu. I remembered i was a bit 'manja' during Jazz's surgery and had only got outta bed after two days. but now, i set my heart to get up as soon as i can, so i can go to see Khayra. she is all i can think off at that moment. if last nite was the longest nite, that day was the longest day... the day of my new daughter's birthday, Friday January 12th, 2007.

I could receive no visitor since I'm in the labour room for intensive observation. I only had my patient Azam with me. It surprises me how calmly he's taking this situation. I could see that he is tired, he prolly gets as little sleep as i did too. I thank God, although it wasn't an easy moment for both of us, but we're very patient going through it. Maybe my faith to Him paid off. I prayed to Him every second i could dat i recover well so i can tkae care of Khayra, get her to a normal state as soon as possible. Owh how i long to hug her! I haven't seen her since last time in OT.

That nite was another long night but i had a determination to get well tomorrow and get out of bed. I tried very hard to sleep. 13 January 2007, 5 am in the morning, a very kind nurse [i could never forget her] Nurse Suria Eliaty came into my room and gave me some words of motivations. She said it's her duty to change my hospital gown and clean my bed, but it is good if i can get down on my feet, try to at least sit down on a chair, so doctors will decide that I am well enuff to be transfered back to the ward. I said yes, i very much wanna do just dat. I asked her to help me, and i apologize beforehand cus it's gonna be very very slow. She raised my upper bed, lowered the height, and I tried very very hard to ignore my wound's pain as I step down on the floor. She was smiling, she said she never see anyone so determine to get up. I told her i wanna see my baby in the NICU, she said no wonder and encouraged me dat i can do it, and i DID! i didn't just sat on a chair, i even went to the toilet! She was so happy for me, I was moved by her patience and kind-heartedness. I sat on the chair while she changed my bedsheet with a fresh one, she helped me wear my maternity pad and hospital gown, she tied my hair up high, as if she opened a salon in that labour room. another nurse came in with a gasp, and she boasted to her "Tengok patient aku dah bangun, dah pegi bilik air" and dat nurse was smiling too. I felt proud!! So now i am NOT AFRAID of another C-section after this. i know i can recover well!

It's true, u need to move to recover from operation wound. U can't just lie there like a dead meat. After the success i went back to bed and who knows, it was the best sleep i had in days! Lega sangat-sangat. kaki dah tak cramp, i could feel blood moving in my veins again. And alhamdulillah, doctors agreed i could go back to the ward BEFORE lunch and could request a wheel chair to visit Khayra in NICU. with dat news, i SMSed Azam to come ASAP, as i can't wait to see Khayra!

to be continued...

P/S: I hope pembaca setia blog ni tak bosan baca cerita-cerita ini, cus i wanna keep record of every single thing dat happened to us in those testing moments!

Khayra Qaszryna -:Part Two:-

As they arrange my case to transfer to the labour room, i tried to keep calm. i told myself everything will be alright and felt so relieved i get to recite Surah Maryam and Surah At-Taubah earlier while resting in the afternoon. I told Azam to meet me in the labour room, he sound a bit panicked when he heard the 'labour room' word. Both of us least expected labour will start today.

About 6.20 pm i was already wired with drip-lines, blood pressure auto-meter, pulse-meter, pendek kata segala-gala wayar. So uncomfortable but... for baby, anything will do. My blood pressure was measured every 15 mins. It didn't go down to a safe level. I continue feeling nauseated and dizzy. Then, around 7.00 pm I felt my heartburn is beginning to reach my throat. i told the nurses immediately and again red alert, doctors rushed in, looking worried. "Puan, if this is the case i think it is not good to prolong pregnancy" she said. I knew that was coming, then i asked "So, kena induce ke doctor?" she gave me 'the look' and said "Your condition is getting worst, i dun think we can wait that long, the best is to do C-Section" and there it goes, my blood pressure went ALL THE WAY UP. Another Cesarean?!! that means...

That means i'll only haf 3 children, max 4.

I tried to hold back my tears. I think both doctors saw my waryness and one of em asked me "Anak pertama Ceasar juga ke Puan?" I could only nod. She continued "Puan, BP Puan tinggi sangat, kita takut kalau tunggu lagi, Puan bleh kena seizure (sawan), atau pening yang teruk atau macam-macam lagi risiko. Bila keadaan dah macam tu, bukan Puan saja yang bahaya, anak pun ikut bahaya sekali" I nodded again, unable to utter a word. Azam still hasn't reach the labour room he went to Surau first, I long to talk to him about this decision. It's like... no other option. Honestly, I did feel guilt, will Azam blame me for falling into this predicament? Oh forget Azam, I am blaming myself already!! "Doctor, what causes this? Why is my BP high?" that wasn't the 1st time i asked that question. i already knew the answer. the other doctor went explaining it's caused my genetics, not food, not environment and asked if my mom n dad has hypertension. I told em my grandpa had it. Azam came in moments later. doctors told him about the choice we don't have and he asked for a moment to talk to both our parents. Both parents called and everybody agreed, let's go n potong my belly.

I signed the papers. they left me n Azam alone while waiting for my turn to go into Operation Theater (OT). they had to wait 6 hours after my the last thing fed into my stomach at 5.30pm, a sandwich. It was cold, uncomfortable and uneasy wait. When it was only me n Azam there in the room, I asked him to hold my hand and cried. I asked him why has it to be this way, another Cesar and only 3 kids to bear. He frowned and told me not to think of such things, other people dun even haf kids and we're lucky to haf what we haf now. He told me i should be thankful to God that at least we're in good hands and the doctors and nurses are taking good care of us. I guess i was being irrational, and tried to calm myself down again. Azam sat there waiting as i began feeling weak, they already gave my a drip to lower my BP. the drip made me feel funny and my head stopped spinning but the pain is still there. I tried to sleep to gather my strength. Around 10pm Azam went waiting outside, i told him to get some rest, but i dun think he did.

I was awakened around 11.50 pm when nurses was buzzing around me preparing to push me into OT. they wold me i was already summoned, i asked em if they see Azam around they told me not to worry as they will alert him. 12.00 am we reached the OT, Dr. Fawas, my anaesthetician told me the procedures that i am very familiar with, underwent it with Jazz's labour. I had to signed another paper after he examined me for fever and flu. 12.15 am, into the labour room and operation started 5 mins later and my O&G doctor was Dr. Marsha.

Labour room was VERY VERY VERY cold. i was shaking quiet badly and they had to get a blower (to blow hot air) to keep my warm, but it didn't worked that well. i was shivering through the entire operation. I could feel my belly shaken and pushed, and around 12.30 am, i could hear the first voice of my Khayra Qaszryna which a few seconds later turned into a loud cry. I was like... Alhamdulillah... that's my Khayra. Owh she was crying well, i was very relieved to hear her cry. they straight away brought her to the cleaning room as Dr. Marsha took out the placenta and stitched me back up. Yeah I know, I'm telling this story as if I saw the whole procedure, no i didn't i could just feel it. But since this is not my 1st Cesar and i am very well self-educated in it, i knew exactly what was going on minute-by-minute. all the readings and video-viewing payed well.

Nurse who cleaned Khayra up came in minutes later, "Puan, tgk anak Puan" she showed my Khayra's gender. "Puan, anak 2.1 kg saja" I was... 2.1?? but... the last ultrasound estimated 2.6kg! Doctors and nurses saw my worried look "It's ok, we'll see to her, now you stay calm" Dr. Fawas said to me. I was pushed to post-OT room afterwards and pushed back to the labour room at 1.50 am.

to be continued...

My heart throbs... Khayra Qaszryna :o)) -:Part One:-

I prayed to God a lot, for the smoothness of my labour and safety and wellness of my baby. God answered my prayer. Alhamdulillah!!

Yes, as Hubby posted earlier, there were complications and me n baby were both under intensive care for a while, but... now things are going so smoothly, and I never felt this happy, having Khayra Qaszryna bt Azamzairi back home with me. We were released 15th January after my blood pressure gets a bit low and my albumin level in my urine gets a bit better and Khayra's jaundis subsided and her blood sugar level became stable. Khayra, tho she is small in size my is very well while me, I am stable enuff to stay at home and hafta go and check my blood pressure in case i do haf hypertension every other day in a nearby clinic.

As posted the day before, i had an appointment with Hospital Putrajaya after being referred by my usual MO on the 11th of January 2007. I went there, they ran the usual tests; blood pressure and urine test. My blood pressure was high 146/98 but my albumin in urine wasn't too bad but due to previous traces of albumin in my record, they decided that I should be admitted to the ward for careful observation, as they say i'm having symptoms of Pre-Eclampsia (PE) and might need to be induced if my blood pressure do not go down to a safe level. So i had to go straight into the ward, thank God i had mine and baby's bag all packed-up and ready so Azam just had to fetch and bring em to d hospital. It was afternoon when i reached Ward 2B Bed 26, they told me to rest before they ran another BP messuring, it went down a little. Azam came back to the ward with Jazz later around 5 pm, and i tried to rest. I was told to watch out for blurry visions, nausea, and severe headache. Around 6 pm, i began feeling nauseated and having my head spun like i'd jest been to a disco. I told Azam to tell the nurses, there and then a doctor rush in to check me up and test my BP again. Another urine test taken, my albumin level raised a bit and BP had gone up to 160/100.

It was like red alert, nurses and doctors suddenly became a bit busier then the calmness of the ward before (after delivery, i found the calmness BORING). Suddenly a bed (to push ppl to labour room) came into our room of four, my heartbeat raised. I was like, is it time? Is dat bed for me? All of sudden my thoughts drifted to my impatient-ness of my pregnancy lately. Has those been the signs? True enuff, the bed is for... ME. Azam who went home earlier to send Jazz back in case of anything, was alerted through my SMSes. I was pushed to labour room, without having the chance to meet Azam first. I was only 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant...

to be continued...

World, Please Welcome Our Newest Member "KHAYRA QASZRYNA"

She was born last nite on Friday (Penghulu Segala Hari) 12 January 2007 at 12.30 am, weighing only 2.1KG, Zaza had to underwent a Cesarean process to deliver the baby due to some complication as her blood pressure was high and it was contaminated with "albumin" (not sure how to spell it), so Dr advise we can no longer wait as other complicated and major issue might arise later.

Held a short discussion between myself and the Zaza at the labour room then we decide to proceed hoping for the best and alhamdulillah, all praise to the MIGHTY ALLAH for HIS blessing and listening to our prayer, the operation went smooth without any hiccups . Zaza is currently recuperating at Wad 2B Hospital Putrajaya and the baby is well (details nanti mak dia letak entry).

p/s: this entry is done by the Husband and PROUD father of KHAYRA QASZRYNA

Duhai Anakanda...

Ayuhai anakanda yang Umi kandungi
Sesungguhnya Umi dah tak larat menanti lagi
Setiap kali perut Umi menegangkan musclenya
Umi terasa macam anakanda nak kluar
Tapi tak kluar kluar jugakkkk

Ayuhai anakanda
Puaslah Umi bawak bawak berjalan ke Alamanda, mengemop umah...
Yang dapat sakit belakang
Anakanda tak turun turun juga
Seronok ya, duduk dalam perut Umi??

Anakanda,
Sesungguhnya Umi inginkan petanda
Bila agaknya anakanda nak kluar ni
Nanti Umi nak beli tiket konvo
Sekali tgk dapat pegi
Kasik can la Umi sarung jubah itam tu
Dulu kat UTM punya Umi tak dapat nak sarung...

Anakanda yang Umi kasihi
Umi tau anakanda seronok duduk dalam perut Umi
Sebab hari-hari dapat makan karipap frozen yang Umi kemaruk tu
Takpe Umi janji nanti anakanda keluar,
Umi rajin-rajin susukan anakanda
Sama jugak... dapat jugak anakanda rasa apa yang Umi makan

Anakanda,
Esok kita nak ke Hospital Putrajaya lagi
Apa kata anakanda amik kesempatan itu untuk menurunkan kepala anakanda ke pelvik umi?
Semua orang dah tak sabar tunggu anakanda
Bukan Umi sorang je... Nenek ari-ari dah telefon bertanya
Kekanda Jazzmeen pun dah perli-perli Umi
Betahnya 'Tengok baby Bawang Putih dah keluar, baby Umi tak kluar-kluar lagi' semalam
Abah pun asik asik bertanya-tanya, sampai call-call dari opis kalau Umi tak online
Aunty Achik pun dah ternanti-nanti
Aunty Yana pun dah tepuk-tepuk perut Umi
Aunty Mein takyah citerler apertah lagi...
Seronok agaknya anakanda ya... bila ramai yang menanti...

9 months :: I'm getting impatient!!

urrgghhh!! waiting is sickening!

So hard trying to get my mind off from the labour now. I've been trying to take my mind off it by playing games like Sudoku and SimCity, but whenever i lie down to rest, my mind can't be at ease!

what makes it worst is the anxiety and fears. Fear of birth pain, or complications. and of course, the government hospital. i hope everything will turn out fine, but i can't help feeling anxious. i pray to God everyday to keep me calm and and content and help me be patient.

*sigh* it's so harrdd...!!

Hospital Kerajaan...

Hehe... apasal tajuk tu? macam jahat je bunyik dia kan hehe. Baru balik dari hospital putrajaya ni...

Ngantuknyaaaa takut ramai orang pagi-pagi dah kena pegi spital. sekali tgk tak ramai pun, tapi masih lama kat situ. kenapa ya? hehe. takleh berenti gelak. terlebih gula kot ni. hehe.

arini takdek doctor... so diorang set appointment untuk ari khamis, 11 Januari 2007. hmm... nak buat appointment pun kena pegi 2 tempat, tunggu menunggu, and spend 1 hour there. servis ok, nurse baik-baik, cumanya slow. tulah nak komplen sgt pun... spital awam so itu pasal yang takleh berenti senyum. lambatnya bukan apa, mungkin kecekapan tu kurang, dari segi taip-menaip, click-mengclick, soal-menyoal... lambat kat situ je, tapi bezanya membawa ke banyak banyak minit sebab draggy!

so khamis ni kena pegi spital lagi. hospital itu teman karibku. hehe. gila. hehe.

Check Up 7th January 2007

[070107] Nice Date!

Well... Khayra's fine. Size ok, up to her age, or maybe just slightly lighter. Position ok, head down, haven't engaged... Yeah, she's just fine!

But I am not.

My urine still got problems. Albumin's there, still, and it's still quite high. Now doctor's worried of my kidney function, and asked if i have had family history of high blood pressure. She wants me to be referred to the specialist AGAIN. AARRGHHH!!!! our allocation for specialists are used up, so she said i should go to Hospital Putrajaya, yes, again. AAAAA!!! AAAA!!!! AAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apa niii!!

So... we're going to Hospital Putrajaya tomorrow. dunno how will dat turn out. The doctor jest now said i'd prolly be referred to a Neferlogist [heck i dunno wat dat is or i spelt it right]. So, i'm getting ready to wait long hours at dat hospital and being pushed around. *sigh* This is bad bad bad for my emotional state!

Too young a babysitter!!

To ppl who watched the news yesterday [and 999, or read newspaper today] would've prolly heard bout a babysitter's husband who killed baby Mohd Airell Azim who is only 8 months old with a pillow [suffocating him], JUST BECAUSE the baby couldn't stop crying.

When i heard the news, at first i was devastated, how could you do such thing to a infant who doesn't know anything?!! Furthermore, you're PAID to take a good care of him! But when the newscaster voice out the age of the babysitter and her husband, i was like... Hah, no wonder!

Ok, I was a young mother. i was only 23 when i had Jazz, and it is said that women mature faster then men. Now, the murderer's age is 23. To my experience, I remembered being furious towards my own few days old baby who couldn't stop crying especially at night. With my C-Section wound still pounding, it was quite annoying ALTHOUGH i am her MOTHER. I tried to be patient with Jazz, but when i got impatient, me n hubby would get into fighting. But As we age we began to be 'immune' with Jazz's shouting, screaming and crying. Sumtimes we could just ignore her screamings for hours, yes, hours.

Now, back to the baby's story. The guy is 23, his wife is 22. hmm... Does this couple EVEN HAS A BABY OF THEIR OWN?! man, i doubt. [update: they do haf one child, ONE] I know this may sound awkward, but i partly blame the parents, why sent the infant to such young couple?! ok i know i know even old ppl sumtimes dera budak, but the younger the age is, the more likely the person to be panas baran, moreover at night, when they're tired after a day's work. But yeah, malang tak berbau. or prolly the parents had no other options opened. Of course, the parents' fault is too teeny-weeny compared to the cold-blooded murder done by that 23 years old man. However berserabut ur kepala is, or however big ur problems are, it doesn't give u the right to kill sumone else's infant, or put it this way, killing another makhluk Allah! Gila ke?!

*sigh* so many cases of babysitters lately. i thank God that we rarely have problems with Kak Zan [Jazz's babysitter], we sent Jazz to her since she was one year and 3 months. Now Jazz is almost four, apart from slight cleanliness problems, we never had any big issues with her. bertambah gemuk and spoilt lagi aderlah budak tu. Tapi risau jugak ni, dah sebulan lebih Jazz ni duduk umah, nanti nak anta semula sure meraung-raung. I've been reminding her dat she's going back to her mama's [she calls Kak Zan mama] house once Khayra is birthed to take care of Khayra there when i'm off to work. she'd scream her lungs out 'TANAK!!'. yeap. DIE.

The 2nd day of 2007, Itsa wet ZOO day!

long hols makes Jazz bored being at home. so her dad decided to take her to d zoo, AGAIN.

it nearly rained when we were on d way, but upon reaching the place, it poured! oh luckyness! but redah ajer, dah masuk. since we've been here for like a zillion times (hehe bohong giler, baru 3 kali sejak ada Jazz) so malas nak describe. well yelaa... kita dah biasa, Jazzy yang seronok. Jazzy loves animals, especially fish. bila dah on the way home first thing yang dia ingat to kecoh-kecohkan were the fishes. pastu ikan kecik2 dia tak heran, ikan yang besar gedabak tu yang paling dia ingat. and since i've been teaching her colors during my homebound, she's describing all the colours of the animals she could remember. Good. at least the wetness of the zoo gave her a good learning time.

SOOO tired! but i didn't mind the walk, although sakit gila belakang ni. cus walking dah nak masuk 9 mths ni, dah takyah risau pasal bersalin early sangat. walking is good for the birthing process. cumanya saper suruh gemuk, tu pasalla sakit belakang. Despite our tiredness, after the zoo trip abah decided to buy his precious daughter some more coloring books. kat umah bukan tak ada, tapi semuanya dah abih si Princess colorkan. So we went to Chip Lee Kajang in pursuit of some coloring books and jigsaw puzzle [also another of Jazz's latest indulgence] but jigsaw puzzle yang available only yang 1000 pieces, tak sesuaiiii although I was soo tempted to buy hehe. heeiippppp, hafta thing rationally, better save money for jamu bersalin than buying a jigsaw puzzle dat Jazz can't play. jest bought two coloring books for her, then pegi makan my fav briyani at warta.

dat's our 1st big family activity in 2007. Main ujan kat zoo.

Kecekalan Maryam, mampukah kita menjadi secekal dia?

Salah satu amalan yang harus dilakukan oleh ibu-ibu mengandung ialah mengamalkan membaca Surah Maryam. But for me, tak puas kalau sekadar membaca-buta saja. Kenapa kita dituntut membaca surah ni ketika mengandung?

Dan bacakanlah (wahai Muhammad) di dalam kitab Al Quran ini perihal Maryam, tatkala ia memencilkan diri dari keluarganya di sebuah tempat sebelah timur (timur Baitul-Maqdis). Surah Maryam, Ayat ke-16.

Kisah Maryam, ibu kepada Nabi Isa a.s. yang megandung dan melahirkan Nabi Isa tanpa bantuan sesiapa, tanpa keluh-kesah, dan melalui saat sakit bersalin sendirian. Itulah iktibar yang patut kita ambil. Tapi... dalam hati sentiasa terdetik, tidak akan aku mampu menjadi secekal dia, namun kita sentiasa berharap pada Tuhan, agar kita ditabahkan hati dan dikuatkan iman ketika sakit bersalin nanti...

Maryam binti Imran menurut Al-Quran adalah seorang wanita yang solehah dan kuat beribadat. Maryam telah didatangi Jibrail a.s. yang menyamar sebagai seorang lelaki yang sempurna bentuk kejadiannya dan mengatakan padanya:

Ia berkata: "Sesungguhnya aku pesuruh Tuhanmu, untuk menyebabkan kamu dikurniakan seorang anak yang suci" Surah Maryam, Ayat ke-19.

Maryam terkejut dengan kata-kata Jibrail itu dan bertanya kepadanya bagaimana dia hendak mengandung, sedangkan dia belum pernah disentuh oleh mana-mana lelaki dan dia bukanlah seorang perempuan yang jahat. Jibrail menjawab:

Ia menjawab: "Demikianlah keadaannya tak usahlah dihairankan, Tuhanmu berfirman 'Hal itu mudah bagiKu, dan Kami hendak menjadikan pemberian anak itu sebagai satu tanda (yang membuktikan kekuasaan Kami) untuk umat manusia, dan sebagai satu rahmat dari Kami, dan hal itu adalah satu perkara yang telah ditetapkan berlakunya'" Surah Maryam, Ayat ke-21.

Ketika Maryam hamil, dia telah memencilkan dirinya. Orang-orang lain memikirkan dia sedang sibuk beribadat, dan tiada siapa yang tahu Maryam mengandung. Maryam melalui hari-hari kehamilannya seorang diri di tempat yang jauh. Tibalah suatu hari Maryam terasa sakit, dia hendak melahirkan. dalam kesakitan itu Maryam bersandar di sebuah pohon tamar (kurma). Surah Maryam, Ayat ke 24-26.

Maka kesakitan itu memaksanya pergi (bersandar) ke pangkal sebatang pohon tamar dan dia (Maryam) berkata "Alangkah baiknya kalau aku mati sebelum ini dan jadilah aku sesuatu yang dilupakan orang dan tidak bererti" Surah Maryam, Ayat ke-23.

Lalu ia diseru "Janganlah kamu bersedih hati, sesungguhnya Tuhanmu telah menjadikan anak sungai di bawahmu. Dan gegarkanlah pangkal pohon kurma itu ke arahmu, nescaya pohon itu akan mengugurkan buah tamar yang masak kepadamu. Maka makan, minum dan bertenang hatilah kamu. Jika kamu melihat seorang manusia, maka katakanlah: ‘Sesungguhnya aku telah bernazar berpuasa untuk Tuhan Ar-Rahman , maka aku tidak akan berbicara dengan seorang manusia pun pada hari ini.'"

Bayangkan kalau kita dalam situasi Maryam, melahirkan seorang diri tanpa sesiap menyambut anaknya, di bawah sebatang pohon tamar, yang hanya ada air sungai untuk membersihkan dirinya selepas melahirkan dan hanya makan tamar untuk mendatangkan tenaga bersalin dan berjalan pulang ke perkampungannya, dengan Nabi Isa a.s. dalam dakapannya. Dan apabila dia sampai di kalangan orang-orangnya, Maryam dicemuh melakukan zina, kerana melahirkan anak secara tiba-tiba. Tetapi Maryam yang telah diseru oleh Allah untuk membisu, taat kepada suruhan itu dan membisu seribu bahasa. Tetapi dengan kuasa Allah swt, Nabi Isa yang masih bayi itu menjawab tuduhan dan tohmahan terhadap ibunya, bahawa ibunya adalah seorang yang suci, dan dia dilahirkan sebagai rahmat dan tanda kekuasaan Allah dan beliau diberikan Kitab Injil dan dijadikan seorang nabi.

Cekalnya Maryam... mampukah aku menjadi secekal dia?

Sumber rujukan :: Tafsir Pimpinan Ar-Rahman kepada Pengertian Al-Quran